We're All Alone

This is an old journal entry. I had forgotten about this until recent conversation that I brought it up.

My Perfection.
I don't know how killings can be so random. And the way that people are killing, just seems so elementary. What happened to murders of passion, hate, fear & love? Or even the murders that made an impact.

The Black Dahlia... the famous unsolved case, that showed the beautiful are not immortal. Charles Manson killed Sharon Tate, the wife of Roman Polanski. The rich were not superhuman.
The Zodiac Killings in California portrayed the true power of the media. Even the school shooting of Columbine showed that even the young can change the face of history.

The outcomes that I get from these masacres are probably not what people think of when they are mentioned. However, these are the underlying messages.

Also most of the killers that get caught are the ones that kill out of spontaneity. The well thought out and planned are the ones that don't get caught. The unsolved cases also seem to be the most remembered at times, because of the fear that a person was actually capable of taking another life, and not faced with any consequences.

Would I ever kill? Probably not. At least not with any true intentions of killing. But if I were to ever kill, I would want it to be remembered. My efforts would not be in vain of the intensity of the actions.

The first matter would be... who to kill? I don't think I could do a random kill. I would know nothing of their lives or how important their lives impacts others. Like if I were to kill a loving parent, a devoted teacher, etc. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't kill a person with a good heart, but if I don't know them personally, there is no way to determine the sinners and the blessed.

But at the same time, if I were to kill those who were a bit defiled, how would I know if they were willing to change? So by this philosophy, I wouldn't be able to kill anyone.

But what if I killed someone, for the other person's benifit? What if the murder made them live forever in the media and history? I would only want neverending fame for someone I held close to me. So I would kill a person I love.

But what kind of love? A friend? Family? Lover?
A loved friend I could never kill
Family is not even a question
A lover though, I would kill.

Why a lover though? I guess for my own pride. I myself would be known as the brokenhearted girlfriend/wife of so-and-so who was murdered in a brutally brilliant way.
And for my lover's pride. They would be known forever. The murder would be the reason they would be talked about for centuries to come. The murder itself would be given a clever dark name. For the time shortly after the murder, they would be a famous. Front covers. Headlines. News stories. Photos. And because of the murder (it'll become more apparent later why), their name would have a semi-perminant place in the headlines, but a perminant place in human history.

The murder itself would be painless. Pain is not what this is about. I don't believe in torture or hurting someone else. Think of it more as a surgical procedure then a murder. It would be quiet, clean and precise.

Inspiration for what I would do with the body came from a song actually. Ex Lover's Lovers by Voltaire

"What if I were to cut you up and mail each partto a different town?
It would take the most
brilliant private eye the rest of his life
just to put you together.
a piece in each mailbox all over the planet
from Moscow to Tokyo to Guadalajara."

Mailing would be too risky. The postal service would not be a safe way to go.
Instead I would embalm the body pieces, to buy time. No need to rush.
I would travel the world, but only taking a few pieces at a time with me, returning home every now and then to retrieve more pieces. I would take each piece in a jar, and bury the jars in the most beautiful places of the world. I'd bury each piece with a song that was dear to us. The lyrics would speak of the love we have. I wouldn't mark the burial spots, but keep very detailed records of where the jars are.

It would take my lifetime to complete this. After I die, I would want my records to be found, and shared with the world.

I would want to show the world that love is not what it's made out to be. It's more than just roses, chocolates, movies, dinners, sex. It's about wanting the world for the other person. Wanting to show the world your love and showing your love the world. Not keeping anything a secret. Secrets don't belong in love. I would hope that my message would be taken for more than just a killing. Sometimes it's the extreme that really opens peoples eyes.
I would never be able to do this nor would I want to.
I just think it would be able to have impact and make people catechize what prenotions that they have about love, and realize why they love.