If you take me home tonight I know that we will kiss and one of us will fall in love and it will be a mess

but if you want to take that chance then please let me know.

There's actually not much to write about. But I can't sleep, therefore I write.

I feel like I've been living through other people's problems. I care more

about what's going on in their lives than my own. Is it because

I think my own life is boring?

Or are their lives that genuinely more interesting? I hope to believe 

it's just that I care about others, and that they can all be helped.

Things I'm looking forward to:

Going to the beach in about 7 hours.

Freddy's Party/Richard's bday on friday

Warped tour 7/17 with hendryx, rose and cassy

I haven't been to warped tour in I think 2 years now, and I kinda 

miss it. I've had so many great memories there. However, this year's 

gonna be a bit different

1-we're going to camden,nj instead of long island

2-im going without my sister

3-i'm driving with friends instead of being dropped off by oscar's aunt

4-we're leaving the day before to spend the night in philidelphia

5-there aren't that many bands im excited to see, so it's not like the 

other years where i'm rushing around to see the numerous

amounts of bands I love

bottom line though is...

I cant wait.

I'm thinking of witty things to say

And I get ash on my keyboard

The smoke lingers on my shoulders

The smoke makes my eye need a rub

But there's not much to say

It's all been sung in the songs

The songs we sing in your car

The songs that explain my heart

The songs aren't random

I pick each one carefully

They all say the words that I'm scared

Will scare you away

I don't want to say anything cliche

Like you are the words to my songs

or that you are the ocean to my waves

It's all been said

I'm gonna listen to every song I own

Hoping to find one that'll say what I feel

But they all seem wrong

I can't find the perfect song

So i'll attempt to write for you

Even though I won't be happy with it

It'll still feel incomplete

I'll still feel empty

I don't want to scare you with love songs

Because I'm not in love

And I know you aren't either

At least not with me

time goes by faster and faster

I feel a bit overwhelmed. There's so much to write and there's only so much that my fingers can type. 

My father left for poland about 2 weeks ago and he left the apartment to me and tracy. We hosted a couple parties. They were fun. 

Lots of drinking and good times.

Lots of hanging out with good friends.

Filipino Parade then coney island afterwards.

Hookah bars and dancing.

Hester's death.

Drunken text messages confessing to crushes.

Couples breaking up.

Friends hooking up and then never speaking again afterwards.

Crying and emotions.

Realizations and heartbreaks.

I don't know what I would do without some people. My old friends who have been there through everything. My new friends who are there for me now. My roommate who couldnt be more awesome then she already is.

I've gone through self revelations. I'm changing the one thing I hate about myself. And it's not that I hate it really. It just causes me and others pain that could be avoided. And it's ironic when I decide to change this, others revert back to it. The irony is even greater that one person is the person that I'm interested in. 

I'm not going to let it get to me though. I plan to stay indifferent. The more I stay indifferent, the less i'll get hurt in the end. And I know I will be hurt either way, because of what has been said to me and to others already. But I've gotten through worse already, and I can definitely get through this.

Amazing Rain

-The Basement (aka tracy and sara :P )

E-----3-------3-------0-------0-------3p0-----3p0-----0-------0----

B---1---1---1---1---1---1---1---1---1-------1-------1---1---1---1-

G-0-------0-------0-------0-------0-------0-------0-------0-------0

D                  G

Rainy days keep all away.

D C

And while all's away, we'll come out to play.

G                                     D

Scream our lungs dry and take our time.

A C

We'll get kicked out for breaking all the rules.

D C

And since we act like kids, we'll get treated like kids at school.

D G

We'll drive to the beaches.

D C

The sand too cold to bear.

   A C

So let's sit on the dock and drink ourselves warm.

D                               Am               C

But i'll take my chances with the cold.

Grit my teeth and bear my soul.

Walk away and turn my back to the rest.

Sit down and pull my knees to my chest.

Stare out at the dark  empty sea.

But really I can see all that's around me.

To my left and to my right 

I see fog covering the piers and boardwalks

Their light tries to break through the fog

Creating a ghost world hovering in the smog.

My eyes are fixed on the sand.

I ache to see your shadow coming to haunt me.

Every change of light makes my heart race

But you didn't walk over to the ocean

You didn't come over to me.

You stayed with all of our friends

I guess that bottle was better company.

We make our way back to our blinding city lights

The whole car's asleep

Besides us singing with out hearts

Em

And then I looked at you.

D

To read your eyes.

Em

You took them off the road

D

But for just one second

C

And in that second you told me 

      Bm

But I didn't know what you said

   Em

Everything we had or was nothing at all?

   D

And on that rainy day.

G

While all's away.

D

We went out to play.

E-----3-------3-------0-------0-------3p0-----3p0-----0-------0----

B---1---1---1---1---1---1---1---1---1-------1-------1---1---1---1-

G-0-------0-------0-------0-------0-------0-------0-------0-------0

I keep on talking trash, but I never say anything

And the talking leads to touching
And the touching leads to sex
And then there is no mystery left

And it's bad news, baby, I'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news

I'm a pretty bad person, oh yes I am. And it just never seems to change. Sometimes it's not my fault, but most of the time it is. I've known this for years, but I just don't seem to want to change. I tell myself to take control, to do what's right because that's what I should be doing. But I can't even listen to myself.

Geology Final Topics

Cenozoic - Periods and Epochs 

Evolution of the Whales (first carnivorous land animals)

Hoofed herbivores called ungulates

Primates appeared/evolved 40 m.y. ago

Eocene climate changes- global warming in early eocene followed by 3 episodes of global cooling

Cenozoic=age of mammals

Neogene=age of herbs

Evolution of snakes 

Messinian salinity crisis that caused the sea level to be lower

3.2 m.y. ago modern ice age

Wisconsin - maximum advance of the ice-recent glacial maximum

development of the ice ages

know the human evolution

homo=larger brain size, >600 cubic centimeters

ausholopitecus->homohabitus->homoerectus(monkey man/java man/inthecanthropus)

         homo hemdemous     homo sapiens

which 2species have become extinct in the recent erpoch

wooping crane and bald eagle

passenger piegeon and dodo

dodo and bisen

alligator and rinosaurous

which 2 prehistoric mammals ressemble the elephant

mastodon and brontotherium

which 2 periods are in the cenozoic

the most dramatic evolutionary development in neogene ocean was the expansion of

whales

invertabreate

aquatic 

my skin is white as parchment, drier than a downtown office building

my skin is inked with words

words with no meanings

and meanings that could never be fathomed

my skin is scarred with spots

of years that passed

and of years forgotten

my skinned is burned

from all the mistakes i've made

and from mistakes I wanted

my skin is colored

born with the colors

that make me a felon

I was listening to andrew bird's song "skin is"

and I realized how much I love my skin

even with every flaw, freckle, scar, birthmark.

People get tattoo's to hide their skin.

I get mine to enhance it.

I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

Whenever I'm in the library at school, I do pay attention to who sits near me. When I see a person take out a mac of some sort, I automatically open my itunes to see if I they share their itunes. I either want to know what the person's name is, or (more importantly) what kind of music they listen to. I like judging people by the music they listen to. It's a fun game. 

The guy next to me right now listens to pretty crappy stuff according to his itunes. It's mostly a bunch of rap and pop. Nothing impressive or amazing.

I would probably get judged pretty hard for the music that I listen to. I listen to a bunch of stuff that I know isn't that good, but I'm a sucker for catchy stuff (and a sucker for anything acoustic). 

My surface is so tough, I don't think the blade will dig in

I got my arm tattoo touched up today.

It is now complete. All the colours are perfect.

I hate when plans fall through...

Limit me, restrict me, cut me off.

I just wrote a whole post, and I read it and realized "wow, I really shouldn't post that". There really would be some consequences if certain people have read it. I've been anonymously blogging for the past 2 years, and I just decided like last week to come out from the dark. I'm really not used to it. 

Anonymous-ity really provides such power to say all.

 I would just type and type and type.

Never skipping a thought.

No thought was told it wasn't good enough to be written down.

Self-censorship. That's sort of what it feels like. I have to sort through what I want to write and turn some things down. It's not that i'm ashamed of anything. Wait, I take that back. Ashamed was the wrong word. It's just that I'm not entirely comfortable enough with some things going on in my life to just convey them to the world. I guess my focus on the topics was different. In my "secret" blog, I was writing to myself. I wrote to share things with myself, in hope of better understanding of my own thoughts. With this blog site, I feel like I have an audience, even though I really don't.

Damn you perspective. 

Damn you to hell.

Hey Man [Now You're Really Living]

Eels

Do you know what it's like to fall on the floor

And cry your guts out 'til you got no more
Hey man now you're really living

Have you ever made love to a beautiful girl
Made you feel like it's not such a bad world
Hey man now you're really living

Do you know what it's like to care too much
'bout someone that you're never gonna get to touch
Hey man now you're really living

Have you ever sat down in the fresh cut grass
And thought about the moment and when it will pass
Hey man now you're really living

Just saw the sun rise over the hill

Never used to give me much of a thrill

But hey man now i'm really living

I feel it like the rain, you've settled in my bones

Alright, so the end of the semester is coming up.

When I get stressed over things I need to accomplish, I tend to make lists.

They're comforting.

• Geology research paper
• DFG's wiki paper
• DFG's final
• English research paper
• English thesis
• Get all my host school entries together

okay, so I guess it's only 5 things. But that's quite a hefty 5 things to do.

sounds like fun fun fun

So the weekend ahead.

Friday, chemistry lecture in the morning and then chemistry lab in the afternoon. I should be done with lab at around 2-3. Then there's some party over in Williamsburg tomorrow night, and if nathaniel would actually text me back the details of it, I would know what time it is. I'm not sure if I want to go home before the party or just stay out in the city. I guess I should go home to drop off my bag, and possibly shower before. If that's the case I'll go to Beacon's Closet on my way home then. 

Saturday, during the day I'm gonna meet up with Miguel. I'm happy that I'm gonna see him. I haven't really spoken to him or hung with him in quite some time. We have a ridiculous amout of things to catch up on. He's going to attempt to teach me how to skateboard. I'm actually a bit scared. I skateboarded a bit when I was younger, but back then I was a fearless little one. Now I'm terrified of the asphalt. At night there's Matt Melvin's birthday party thing at his place over in brooklyn. 

Sunday, I got nada.

I realized that I love writing about what I plan to do rather than what I did already. Why is that?

Were the things that happened not interesting enough?

Do I not remember?

Do I not want to remember?

I like to look ahead. It's sort of the same reason why little kids want to be older. They're excited.

I'd rather be excited about things that I haven't done rather than the things I've done already.

One True Thing - Finally

this definitely has to be the album I was most excited to be released. I saw One True Thing at a show when I was about 11, and I just fell in love with them, and I followed there music ever since. I listened to the entire album today, and this is one album I will never get sick of. 

Waiting in the TA room to do our host school presentation. We're having technical difficulties with the macbooks for the powerpoint. The other host school teacher is a massive cunt. She's all anal about EVERYTHING. We're now discussing hair && high school && reminsing about old times. After this, we're gonna crack open some of the Stella's that I brought. Let the good times roll.

I've decided to take my thoughts public. Private && anonymous blogging was always my thing. But what do I really have to hide?